An interesting pair of questions, for sure. I didn't have any qualms at the time (for personal reasons that I won't get into) but speaking from the "other side of the fence", as it were, I can certainly offer an opinion based on my own experience.

The first time I moved to Japan, I was 37. The second time I was 42. You're not too old to embark on an adventure. If it doesn't pan out and you go back home after the two years are up, I doubt that will make any difference in the long run. People start successful families at 40 -- you'll be much younger than that when you get back so don't make that a criteria for your decision.

As for the possibility of staying forever... there's certainly a chance that could happen. I know quite a few people who came for a year or two and never went back. Of course, I'd hope that if that does happen that it's your conscious choice and that you make the decision based on where you feel you'd be happiest. Japan has its upside and its downside but almost everyone I know who has been here for a long time (ie: more than 5 years) is here because they're happy here (well... with one exception that I can think of ).

If you meet someone here that you like, why is that any different from staying home and meeting someone you like over there? Obviously friends and family will prefer you to stay put and never change -- life is easier when nobody around you changes. But that's not only an unreasonable expectation, since nobody ever really stays the same forever... it's also not as big a deal as you make it seem. If you're happy here, whether it's for two years or twenty, your friends and family will understand. I believe it was Mark Twain who said: "those who matter don't mind and those who mind don't matter". Your parents, of all people, will realize that the culmination of their efforts over the years is your ultimate departure from the nest to set out on your own quest. Besides... with technology what it is today, you're really no further away from home over here than if you moved to the next State. It's just that the Skype calls will happen at ridiculous hours.

I'd suggest that if you're going for the adventure, do it. You'll kick yourself for the rest of your life if you don't. If you're going because you're running away from something back home, face up to that before making the decision. But don't decide based on what you think other people expect of you or, more likely, what you believe other people might expect of you.

Also... be aware that many things are different here and you'll go through a period where all you see is the downside -- pretty much everyone I've talked to had has the same experience. But if you give it the full two years, you'll be in a much better position to judge which lifestyle suits you the most. And, like I said, if you decide that Japan just isn't your cup of tea, you're still only 31/32 and have plenty of time to start a family and lots of interesting stories to tell your grandchildren.

 

That's a great and very fulfilling answer.

I have been thinking and finally decided I will go for it. I was blowing it up a bit more than necessary as you stated and it is not like I will be trapped in Japan if I don't like it. It will be a bit overwhelming now to pack and get going but I think it will be worth it in the end. Sweden will always be here and I can return anytime if I feel that it doesn't work out.

I know I will probably like it over there but I think that my attachment to family and friends will make me realize that it is time to return back to reality after the two years. I will see it as a stepping stone enriching my life and seeing whether working abroad is something for future as well.

 

Hi Bcrich! I feel so fortunate to have read your thread and the comments to follow. Can’t believe this was your dilemma 10 years ago!! I was in undergrad at that time, and now I am the same age you were when facing this decision, with the same question at hand. I just turned 30 in October of 2023, the same time I decided to return to school for my Masters in Teaching in Toronto, Ontario. My dream has always been to teach and travel abroad, since I was a young child. It was a dream deferred however, as over the years as I chose pursue my sport at the national team level. I now find myself ruminating the decision to go after this long delayed dream after graduating my program this time next year, April of 2025, when I will be 31, or stay home, and focus my pursuits on settling down? At the moment, things I am considering are my new partner of just about 2 months, and his career aspirations and goals to potentially create a base here in Ontario and the advice of my dad, who I feel has really pushed me to go back to school first before moving abroad, but now suggests not to go abroad at all because as a woman I should focus on settling with my (potential) long term partner, build my career here in Canada and start a family. All things that I want for myself also, but I don’t want to regret not pursuing this dream for myself first. I feel like time is closing in on my child bearing years and have heard terrible stories from some friends about the deep seeded regret that comes from ing child bearing years and to be without a partner in sight. I say all that to say, I’d love to know how things faired out for you, 10 years down the line. I don’t know if you’ll even receive this message. But I’d love to hear back from you! Take care for now!

 

Hi,
Sounds like you've made your decision, but anyway I can only agree with the other response you've had. You're still young, and being a guy haven't got a strict biological clock or anything that'd stop you settling down when you're 32, 35, 40 etc. There's no set time for anything, and especially nowadays people have been pushing out the time of starting a family or settling down. If is should be with a Japanese girl, let it be, let life take you. There's no rule there either, it might happen, might not, if it does, you might live in Japan, Sweden, or elsewhere...
You'll probably have an interesting and good time there, experience new things... and if it doesn't work out, you can always change the plan as you go along.
All in all, I think, if you're interested, just go for it! Only you know the answer, what you really want, and once you made your mind up, just don't worry about your decision any more. Just live it and see what happens.
Take care and have a great trip!